Simple Things – Little House on the Fairy Hill

A Hazy Shade of the Future

It’s lovely here, all green and lush with everything in bloom. Which is due to the near-endless rain this spring. Actually it’s raining again as I write this, I think the 13th Saturday in a row. And it’s only just started warming up – it has been cold too. But summer is starting to roll in despite itself, and maybe that means that the chill is waning.

Sithean in the spring is a wonder to behold. Everything seems to bloom all at once, and stark and mud becomes pink and white and flowering and it’s hard to believe that anything will go wrong.

I mean, as long as I don’t read any news.

I’ve been gone a while, not because I lost interest in blogging but because I’ve just had so much going on in real life there’s been no time or room to write. I’ve been doing my best just to stay afloat, to keep the house clean, groceries bought, food cooked, laundry done, and kids where they need to be. Some of that is burnout. I’ve never been so tired in my life other than when my kids were sleepless babies, but this time the tired was me unable to think one more thought, remember what I was trying to accomplish, or figure out what I was supposed to make for dinner.

On that last, a combination of instant pot, helpful husband who makes great meals and a lot fewer ‘recipe’ meals and a lot more of ‘here’s these things I put in a pot that are cooked’ meals. Generally these were things i wouldn’t advertise on my blog as being meals, per se, but it’s normal mom stuff. A carb, a protein, a sauce or thing to hold it together, some vegetables.

No one starved although my son did grow so, so tall and is still growing.

But as the garden springs back to life, so do I. Or at least, I’m trying, the burnout seems to be waning, although it’s not completely gone. I’m still not totally on point yet, but I’m going to fake it til I make it.

After nearly 9 months of winding down a business line, which was both an experience I wouldn’t trade and really, really challenging and emotionally exhausting, I finally was able to start a new job, a new thing, and be back to building things.

We are all healthy, and we are finally moving forward with our renovation and addition – we’re still in the planning stage, but we think we’ll be able to break ground in late July. It’s likely over the next year that this blog focuses more on our renovation and addition, because that will be the thing that will take up all of our time and money.

So, so much more money than I had hoped, but we finally aren’t waiting any more, just rolling the dice. It’s a terrifying leap off of a cliff, but I also think it’s more than time. While we’re not getting everything we wanted, we are getting most of it, and it’s exciting. Also exhausting to look at infinity variations of design, but that’s exciting too, make no mistake.

It’s been an eventful 6 months, and it looks to be a more eventful 2025 and 2026, but that’s ok. May specifically gets filled with kid activities, shows and performances, and lots of end-of-year related items. Early summer, where we are now, with everyone having finished school yesterday, and me being surprisingly emotional as my son graduated from elementary school and I realized that chapter of our lives was done. The next few weeks are filled with chilling out, camp and this year, for my daughter her first overseas trip sans parents with a leadership organization for 10 days. We’re nervous, it’s coming fast, but we’re excited for her too.

And we’re excited for us.

Crickets

Somehow, summer is ending.

In just a few days the kids go back to school. This weekend was busy with trying to sort through the last of the supplies needed, washing new clothes, and dealing with the endless abundance of late-summer produce.

Our summer was busy with trips and house guests, with sleep away camp and time with grandparents in Maine, and some home improvements.

This year, the garden was more neglect than anything, but we still planted – tomatoes and peppers from my Moms, and a few things I started. I’ve managed to keep a geranium and a poinsettia alive for almost 2 years, so they join the key lime tree and the hydrangeas outside for the summer. I’ve also been planting perennials as much as possible – this year adding more tulips, a butterfly bush, a wildflower garden that is mostly Black Eyed Susans, and a gorgeous purple delphinium in the front yard.

My tomatoes here at Sithean are loaded with green fruit, and hopefully they will all ripen quickly and then I will can them for sauce. Butternut squashes are growing rapidly, and the grapes growing on the vines next door are just about ready to be turned into jam. The raspberry canes are laden with ripening fruit, and I even have one small Key Lime growing on my lime tree. The weather is glorious with warm days and cool nights.

The late summer sounds of crickets fills the yard at night, and that, plus cooler nights is how I measure the waning of summer. I’ve been a bit of crickets this summer too – so much has happened and it was all I could do to keep up. The kids are growing up so fast, and there is more independence and being apart, but also so, so much to do. And our lives are evolving rapidly, all of us.

Eli is prepping for his trip to LA, just a couple of weeks out now. And I am going through a transition at work and not sure where that will lead. But in general, all is well. My Birthday came and went, with the porch redone as my gift, including an inexpensive but very comfortable couch, so that I can sit outside and sip my coffee in the sunshine, and even when it’s pouring rain. Every time I look at it I’m delighted again – one thing I have missed since my days in Florida is the combination of indoor/outdoor space that is so standard there. This is our first step towards that.

This past week was the 12th of 20 in our farm share, and we’re starting to drown in produce, which is a simultaneously overwhelming and joyful feeling. When so many go without, to have plenty enough to share is a huge blessing.

Eli and I had a quiet Saturday – we walked the dog in some local Greenbelt land, I napped, he tended the chickens and worked. The peace was lovely. Because there is so much produce, I planned a meal – several really – around that. First, I made Panzanella since we had some bread that was going stale. And we have a lot of cucumbers, so I chopped one and threw it in. It’s really delicious, great for using up leftover bread and excess tomatoes, and my favorite part of it is that when I took the picture and titled it in the folder for this post, autocorrect turned it into ‘Pam Smells’.

I hope you enjoy Pam Smells as much as we do.

Then I made my friend Preeti’s Dal. Our friends came from Michigan to visit us recently and are assisting me in becoming more confident in making Indian food, which I love. Dal is cheap and healthy and incredibly delicious. This Dal is a combination of Chana (split dried chick peas) and Masoor (red lentils). It’s so simple, very healthy, and really delicious.

Preeti Naik’s Instant Pot Dal

You will need:
1 tomato, diced
1 yellow onion, diced
Either 1 tbsp of chopped ginger and garlic, or one large tablespoon of ginger garlic paste
1 tsp Mustard Seed
1.5 tsp Ground Cumin
1/2 tsp Tumeric
4 cups water
1 cup Masoor Dal (red lentils)
1/4 cups Chana Dal (split dry chick peas)

Using a colander, rinse the Dal until the water runs clear. Lentils tend to have a soapy coating on them, and they will taste much better if you rinse them.

Using the saute function and either ghee or neutral oil, saute the onion and tomato until soft. Add the ginger and garlic, and the spices and saute for another minute.

Add the Dal and water to the instant pot and set on Manual to 20 minutes. Once the pot is done, let it self-release the pressure for another 20 minutes, then vent. Salt to taste and eat.

Add the Dal and water to the instant pot and set on Manual to 20 minutes. Once the pot is done, let it self-release the pressure for another 20 minutes, then vent. Salt to taste and eat.

Then I made crispy tofu bites, which is one of my favorites, but I will say that I have needed 1.5 times the coating mixture for a full block of tofu. I also cut mine smaller.

We ate our all-vegan meal without noticing it was. This is the thing about good food – labeling it is critical for those on diets, labeling something as vegan for omnivores sometimes makes it sound less good, and I’m not sure why that is, so I just don’t label it unless I have someone around whose diet I’m trying to accomodate. Eli and I trying to eat less meat, and eat less generally, and this meal was simple, healthy, varied and delicious. It used up garden produce, essential at this point in the summer.

So what are we eating this week?
Sunday: comfort food, despite the heat – Ravioli Lasagna, zucchini cheddar biscuits, Fattoush. I sub the radishes, which I rarely have for whatever is in the fridge and add toasted almonds and dried cranberries for extra flavor.
Monday: Rosemary Ranch Chicken (I never bother with kebabs, just slice the chicken breasts lengthwise into tenders), grilled baby potatoes, broccoli
Tuesday: The kids are with their Dad, Eli and I will eat what we affectionately call ‘bowl food’ – a protein over cauliflower rice or couscous with some veggies.
Wednesday and Thursday: I’m traveling so Eli will feed the kids.
Friday: We’re in for cooler weather rolling into Labor Day weekend so we’ll make homemade oven pizza with customizable toppings for everyone.
Saturday: Potato soup, homemade bread, zucchini fritters
Sunday: Back to the warm weather, if the forecast is correct. Gazpacho, BBQ chicken leg quarters, beet salad, butter noodles
Monday, Labor Day: Of course we’ll grill! Burgers and chicken wings, potato salad, some kind of salad

I hope your last week of Summer is filled with joy.

The Fruit Ripens

While the rest of the country continues to swelter, Massachusetts is having an unseasonably cool summer. Normally in August we have temperatures in the 90s for at least some of the times, these days we are lucky if it hits 80. But even though we’ve had a cool, wet summer, the tomatoes are ripening and so are the raspberries.

It’s time to use up the basil. I always leave it too long, and then regret as it starts to yellow, but it’s perfect right now and we will eat endless amounts of pesto this winter. So this weekend I’ll cut most of it down and whir it up in the blender with garlic, parmesan, lemon and pine nuts.

We’re just back from our annual trip to the mountains, and reminded that after 3 days anywhere, it’s likely we will all want to be at home, no matter the degree of fun we are having. Homebodies, that’s us as a family. As much as we like to travel, home is the best.

But we did enjoy ourselves, celebrating a milestone birthday with friends, getting the kids’ back to school shopping mostly accomplished, hiking to a waterfall, and so on. But when we were done, we were done and so we cashed it in and came home. We have less than a week of summer vacation for the kids, and a few more days of it for me to spend cleaning and organizing, tending the garden beds, and prepping a wildflower bed for my son – this first requires a ring of rocks around the Seckel pear tree, which really needs a pollinator partner. I’m looking around for one to pre-order for 2024 planting.

One thing that going away always proves to us is that we love to eat at home the best. I did a major stock-up shop at Costco after our trip, and between that and some other purchases, I don’t expect to hear complaints about shortages of snacks or clothing for a while.

The squash vines, or at least the ones that I didn’t accidentally pull up when I was weeding are also being pretty prolific, with lots of squash and small pumpkins hiding between the leaves.

Our CSA has another 8 weeks left, and then we’ll shift to the Winter Share, which runs every couple of weeks up until right before Christmas. We are awash in fresh, local food and general abundance.

Abundance.

It’s a word I haven’t felt in a while. When our giant tax bill hit us in the chest, it came after we thought we had finally recovered from a series of financial challenges, the list of which is long enough I think people didn’t totally believe it (in the general public’s defense, the idea that a 70-foot pine tree could fall on one’s house on their absolute last day of work when they lost their job, which they found out on their first vacation alone with the kids after divorce and so on almost belies belief). We were just settling in to the relief of feeling solvent and comfortable again – saving lots, paying down the mortgage early, bought the RV outright – when that next challenge arrived, and it felt like an almost-mortal hit. We wiped everything out to pay it and started over. Yet again.

So now here we are again teetering on the edge of abundance, cleaning up the last dregs of the tax impact, but also facing down a few big things – the last 25 % of Eli’s teeth, my car is starting to need a lot of expensive maintenance, which makes us start to consider if we do that or we replace it, and of course, renovation.

That said, I really believe we’re at the tail end of the stressful time, and stress or no, I recognize and am profoundly grateful for the good fortune that we’ve had. Starting over, and doing it again and again is hard. It has taken it’s toll on me, without question. But I also recognize that getting punched in the face over and over and getting back up each time to face the punch you know is coming is something that requires a force of will that Eli and I have in spades. To do it while ensuring our kids are safe and sound and insulated from the impacts takes extra care and skill. I think we’ve done pretty great.

So this week, we’ll live in abundance as we get ready to shift to our school schedules from the laissez faire mornings of summer. And we’ll eat at home, delicious meals like Lemon Chicken Piccata Meatballs over linguini with salad, Taco Skillet, and the Lemon Bars with Brown Butter Raspberries, a necessary solve for the 6 lbs, instead of 6 individual lemons that Instacart brought me and the infinity raspberries ripening in the yard, and enjoy the waning summer while readying ourselves for the cold weather to come.

I’m a lucky duck.

Gutting it Out

I’m reluctant to give life advice online generally. For one, there’s a glut of that stuff out there – ‘just do this and you’ll be happy’ is sometimes useful, and sometimes frank bullshit. But a conversation with my best friend recently stuck out in my head because we were talking about context switching to get a lot of things done in a day and she told me I was just better at it than other people and I make it look easy.

But that’s not really true in the grand scheme of things – and after we talked through it, I thought it was worth mentioning.

I do get a million things done in a day. Let’s take this past Tuesday for an example. Before anyone else was up in the house, morning being my best time of day, I had put in a run on the treadmill, dealt with laundry, emptied our dehumidifier in the basement (Yay greywater for plants!) started working and made a ravioli lasagna for dinner. Then I had meetings until 4:30 and in between checked on the kids. Eli also keeps them fed and responds to requests but I try to do my part when there’s small breaks between meetings. And then I got dinner on the table by 6, helped with clean up, made sure everyone was set for the evening and folded some laundry. And worked some more.

Some of this productivity is just self-preservation. I do not want to, nor is it in my budget to live on take out. So I have to spend some time on mornings and weekends meal planning, batch cooking and preparing food. I actually really love grocery shopping – I adore wandering the aisles on no schedule in particular and looking at all the things – but because my time is at a premium I treat that as well, a treat. The cost to have groceries delivered is more than offset by things like not having time, sticking to a list (not my greatest life skill) and trying to shop to a meal plan rather than have everything around just in case.

But back to that conversation. What startled me most by it is that this is from a person who knows that it isn’t easy to do a million things and knows that I get tired and still thinks it’s easier for me from the outside.

So is it? I had to contemplate that as we talked and here’s the conclusion I came to.

Context switching is hard. Moving between task and task, switching from a meeting to a creative task to a physical task, from topic to topic is not something our brains do well without a transition period. That’s why on days when I just go from meeting to meeting to meeting on different topics I’m so tired at the end of the day. It’s literally wearying for your brain, and figuring out how to parse time out so that you can get all the things done is work.

But I have a theory that it’s also something you can practice and get better at. But first you have to decide a couple things, and what I mean by decide is not as simple as chicken or fish for dinner. Decide that this is a thing not only that you will do, but you can do. You will do it even if it doesn’t always feel good, takes time to learn but you will do it because this skill – the mental muscle that you will build (that is also sometimes a physical thing too) is to do it anyway.

Take writing. Because I’m up often before dawn, it affords me time to write. Sometimes it’s here on my blog, often it’s more private, but when I am up, I am writing to almost the exclusion of all else except that I also drink coffee. It’s a rare time when I don’t owe anyone anything, and how I choose to use it is to write, then often exercise. I decided I was a blogger. I didn’t decide it was going to make me rich or get me tons of followers – clearly, ha! I just decided I was going to write. And that made me a writer. Someday a book maybe, for now this is enough for me. It gives me joy whether I have 5 readers or 5 million. And so I keep practicing it, hoping to be better.

The same truth is for my running. I am not fast, I do not win races. I just get out there and do it because I really really like who I am when I’m running. So I keep running, even when it doesn’t feel great or I would rather be doing something else, because it’s not just duration that matters but the cumulative process of mental and physical strength that comes from doing something over and over.

So too with the context switching. If you have an hour to be creative, do it. Don’t recite lists of barriers or reasons you can’t. Simply do. Maybe you won’t be good at it for a while, and your brain tells you you need more time. But eventually you’ll find yourself doing it, because you kept at it, because your determination to write or run or learn to make macarons overtakes those barriers.

And then like most of us, your time alloted is done, and you have to move on to the next task. Which you’ve also decided you can do. Parenthood helped me with this, also the work that I do in my head to try to be immersive in where I am – as someone who spends a lot of time distracted by the next things I need to get to, being in the moment is something I’m working on. But when that moment moves on to the next moment, I set it down and move on.

Am I saying everyone should be busy all the time? No. Absolutely not – creativity often comes from giving space – mentally and physically.

But we make time for what we value, even if it takes some moving around, restructuring, and so on. Sometimes you have to try a method out for a while and then try another. But not after 3 days, nope – you give it months. You take the frustration and the not-good-at-itness and you sit with that. You embrace it. Eventually the discomfort becomes something else.

Maybe it will all be joy from the start. But if it’s not here’s my life advice – gut it the heck out. Just.Gut.It.Out. This is not life advice that will win me awards or make friends, but it’s the realest thing I can tell you, and it might just help with the muscle that lets you switch gears more frequently.

What I find is that if you allocate in your mind, you allocate in your life. And then you switch from writing to emails, and that becomes normal. And so on.
I lost half this post when my host froze this morning, and I probably lost some better writing. But then because I had decided I was publishing today, I sat back down after my shower and got it done.

I’d tell you more but now I have to go feed the bunny breakfast and check email.

Summer Warmth

I hope you all had a happy 4th of July!

June was incredibly rainy at Sithean, and as we have rolled into July, it looks like the rain will keep coming with regularity, but the heat is finally upon us.

It’s nice not to have to water the garden, to be sure, but it’s also made it a challenge to get to outdoor chores. Eli started adding teak oil to the outdoor furniture last weekend but had to give it up for a downpour. We still have half of the 3 yards of compost to spread because it rains so much on the weekends, the only time I can really get to it. June was also quite cool in Massachusetts, in stark comparison to other parts of the country. It’s finally warming up though, and while that brings challenges of it’s own, at least we’ll probably be able to get rid of the giant mound of dirt that’s been on the driveway.

We followed the kids and their Dad up to Moosehead Lake in Maine for a few days for the 2nd time in 2 years – their paternal grandparents have a place up there, and they have spent at least 10 days of every summer of their lives plus periodic weekends, in the tiny community surrounding one corner of the lake. It has made for some magical childhood memories for them both, and I’m grateful for it.

A couple of years ago my youngest started asking me to come up, so this year we rented a tiny cabin right behind the one his grandparents own and settled in for a few days of rest and relaxation, lake style. We all get along very well, still considering ourselves as family, and shared our meals together most of the time. One of the greatest gifts I have in my life is my post-divorce friendship with my ex-husband and my delight in retaining his parents as family, and my husband’s friendship with them all is something that makes me happy. It’s rare, or so I’m told, to all get along this well, but I don’t have a very strict definition of what makes for family, and that allows for all sorts of wonderful relationships with people.

Summer is truly upon us now as we roll into July, more meals are going to be on the grill, and our meal plans are generally more lackadaisical and focused on using up the fruits and vegetables we get in our CSA, as well as our meat share. That said, we did spend $460.09 last week on groceries at 4 stores, including our every-other-month trips to the Indian and Asian grocery stores. Because these stores are a 30 minute drive away, we don’t go that often and when we do, we stock up.

This month our grocery costs have been higher than normal as we started to run out of things. Having the pantry stocked up again is always a nice feeling.

I believe a full pantry and freezer is an emergency fund you can eat, and no matter how tight my budget has been, I’ve always, always tried to stock the pantry.

Last week I had very little time to cook, actually just 15 minutes between meetings most of the time, so I dusted off some meals from my own childhood. One night made a chicken and rice bake reminiscent of something my parents used to make. I sauteed some onion and garlic in oil with a bit of butter, then added 1 1/2 cups rice (I used arborio, but regular rice is fine too), sauteed that for a bit, added in salt, pepper, parsley and garlic powder, then put it in a baking pan with 6 chicken leg quarters and baked it for 90 minutes, the first 60 covered and the last uncovered. Chicken and Rice circa 1978 was a huge hit, and it’s been requested to be put in rotation. I cut up an orange pepper and a cucumber with it, and sauteed the spinach from our CSA.

It was another no-recipe recipe, and I had low expectations, but I’m always surprised and thrilled at how the simple foods are just as good as the more complex recipes.

The next few weeks are a little unusual. The kids stay at the lake a few extra days after Eli and I come home, so we’ll have a couple of quiet nights with just the 2 of us to cook for. Then we’ll have a house full for a couple of days, and shortly after that oldest child will be off for a 2 week wilderness adventure, and I go back to a little bit of work travel before they come home. So our meal plan is going to be pretty flexible. We had prepared some meals to take up to the lake, which I advocate is one of the greatest ways to save money on vacation. It’s wonderful after a busy or not-so-busy day to pull the prepared meal out of the fridge, prep a salad and eat.

We also made Toasted S’more Ice Cream Sandwiches while we were away. I don’t have much of a sweet tooth but these things were great and a fun project to make when it was raining and everyone needed something to do.

Wednesday Eli and I will be a little tired after the long drive home so I’ll go for the quick-defrosting meal of Greek Tzatziki Fish Tacos with some cod we have in the freezer. These look delicious and we can eat Tzatziki by the gallon.

Thursday is a long work day for me so Eli will cook for us.

Friday is CSA day, so we’ll cook what we get or, if the kids come home early, maybe go use the Escape Room gift card we have and grab some dinner on the way home.

Saturday I’ll cook for the kids again, and I’ll make Buffalo Chicken Sliders on Pretzel Buns with Avocado Fries and I’ll roast broccoli and potatoes in the oven.

Sunday I’m going to give making homemade English Muffins a try for breakfast, as well as make homemade bread, my favorite Kale Salad (the salad dressing is a bit of work but worth every minute!) and Sheet Pan Honey Mustard Salmon with Ceasar Roasted Potatoes. I might make these corn muffins too.

Monday is the last night before we have 2 weeks without my oldest, so we’re taking everyone out to a great hole-in-the-wall sushi place we found, or, if we’ve gone out to dinner on Friday, we’ll swap in Ravioli Lasagna again. I’ll also prep some food for the road for oldest and their Dad for their long drive ahead on Tuesday, and those will be lunch for us as well.

Tuesday oldest leaves and so it will be just my younger son, Eli and I, so comfort food is in order. Eli will cook for us, picking a simple protein from our meat delivery.

Wednesday it’s the 3 of us again, and I’ll make a simple pasta with chicken and broccoli and popovers along with sliced veggies or broccoli

Thursday-Saturday nights my younger will go to his Dad’s, so it’s just Eli and I, and we’ll make things like simple salmon bowls over cauliflower rice or couscous, clam chowder and so on.

Sunday my younger son will come back home and I’ll make a batch of Parmesan-Crusted Chicken some of which can be frozen for impromptu chicken tenders lunch, and Monday-Wednesday I’ll be traveling, so our meal plan will be flexible for a bit.

I’m already planning what to make for when the oldest comes home – more Chicken and Rice circa 1978, Garden Foccacia, and all their favorites. Planning will help kill the time while they are gone.

I’m looking forward to a chill summer now that most of the non-work travel is done, with coffee on the porch and sun tea brewing, tending the gardens and the now-grown chickens and our family.

Realigned Perspective

Photo by Eli 5 Stone

This year is flying, just like last year did. Seedlings are starting to come up, we’ve begun to tackle yard cleanup, a multi-week endeavor, my 10-mile spring road race is just one short week away, oldest child won an art award that is a pretty big deal, and our lives are totally different than they were just a week ago. We’re in the process of making our final decision on whether to adopt a very cute brother/sister pair, and we’ve been moving forward as if it will be a yes. It’s both exciting and overwhelming, and with not a small touch of worry about the impact on our biological kids tossed in.

We have a lot to do this spring – the big, split-trunk pines are finally coming down, as are a couple smaller dead pines and a giant pine that split and fell behind the garage but didn’t hurt anything, thankfully. There’s a lot of old, very tall pines here, and taking them down is a very expensive endeavor. But it’s critical to do, and worth the it so that we don’t worry every time we have a windstorm. The split-trunk pines are house and human killers, and we’ve been putting it off, but we just can’t now. These are not a-guy-with-a-chainsaw trees, these are where-do-we-put-the-crane trees.

And our walkway, which is filled with pea gravel is getting a redo. I truly loathe pea gravel – it gets in everything and everywhere, when we shovel snow we inadvertently throw it onto the grass, and the guy who plows sometimes gets too close in and tosses it everywhere. So we’re done, and budgeting for a brick walkway, which is really a weekend’s worth of effort, plus the cost of bricks, edging and sand. We also need to replace the two cracked storm windows on the porch, and the pull-down attic staircase, which broke right around Christmas because why not. I’d really love to replace the light on the stairway landing, but we’ll see. I hate it, it collects bugs (who in their right minds puts a light up that high – really too high to clean very often – that doesn’t have an open base?) but it’s not super critical.

Last year we got hit very hard in the financials – we had a thing, and it took out just about all of our hard-won savings, accrued some debt, and left me feeling pretty deflated, after the intense ups and downs of the last 7 years. We had finally been in a place where savings was up, expenses were down and the future felt bright. Enter a heart-stopping, mind-rending tax bill from closing down my consulting company, and literally the day after we paid it, our furnace guy telling us ‘your old oil tank is leaking, I have to pull it out and replace it, that will be $5500.00, no it can’t wait also here’s a $1700 bill for your heating oil‘.

There’s not a lot of things that put me in a mood to lie down in a fetal position, but those couple days did. So we did what we had to do, and have been working through bringing ourselves back to level ground since, somewhat more challenging with inflation being what it is. We still have to do much-needed repair work – and the bottom of the driveway will have to be repaved soon, but we can leave it for a while.

The good news is that we had some additional income that came in shortly thereafter, the bad news is that we also have some fairly major and expensive dental work for Eli this year, and renovation probably can’t wait much longer. So we’re in this interesting place where we’re fine, really, but not at all where we want to be, and it’s been a little exhausting. The upside is that I have hotel and airline points for travel, so we’re able to do some things this year despite the unexpected convergence of us needing to pay for everything, everywhere, all at once.

So we did what anyone would to plan for it. We broke our multi-month stretch of only buying what we needed for the week, went to Costco and stocked up on literally everything, then bought all the Easter candy and basket stuffs, and now our grocery shops are small and focused again. We have plenty of food, we have warmth and safety and a roof over our heads, we have friends and family who we love and are loved by us, and we’ll rebuild to where we were, it’s just going to take a while. It’s hard to have to do that yet again, and I won’t lie and say it isn’t demoralizing at times.

But my gratitude for our life is immense. What hit us in the last year could have been a tidal wave that took us out. Instead, because we’re generally good savers it was a hole in the boat, granted a huge one, but our ship was far from sinking, and we chugged in to shore for repairs under our own sail, a bit battered and tired, but still upright.

We’ve not eliminated all the luxuries of our life – the kids activities, occasional fun outings or short trips, but we’ve pared back significantly, eliminating lots of recurring charges, finding frugal or free ways to solve problems, and still tried to be there for family and friends. We budget for the stuff we really enjoy and have jettisoned a lot of extraneous spending.

For a long time, I was mad and upset – we had worked so hard to be where we were, and it was so not fair to have instability tear through our lives again. But after a while I realized that it was my mindset that had to change, not so much our circumstances.

Shit happens, and that’s why you structure your life so you can handle it when it does. We have a home full of love, our kids are safe and well, and money is – well, it’s just money. It’s great and all, but it’s a vehicle, not the end game. It took a while for me to remember that. And so this afternoon as Eli and I started on the monthlong venture that is spring yard cleanup, I turned my thoughts to where we have both been. It is a thousand miles from where we are now and while there has been grief and challenges, our joy is only limited by our perception of how things are.

And when I really take stock, they are pretty damn good. That’s not a Pollyanna-ish happy ending, there’s still stress, too much laundry, and we’re often so busy and tired we can’t see straight.

But it is important perspective – joy is not a thing that is bought.

Days of Rest

It’s all over. Christmas, and the big turkey feast. Trips to the grandparents for the kids to ice skate. A big evening out for Eli and I. A New Year’s Eve feast with the grandmas. In one short week, we filled our lives with wonderful meals, company, and so much of everything – fun, work, joy, celebration. So much time with family. Our hearts are filled with love from it all.

But we’re also weary.

But from here, it’s mellow. It’s January, and oddly warm as it is here, it’s the quiet part of winter. We have another couple days of vacation before life comes back to greet us, and I intend to use that time well for both rest and restoration, as well as to get a few things done.

We still need to dismantle the Christmas decorations, but from now until late February when I start my garden seeds, it will be the small things that really matter. Meals, routines, small cleaning or home improvement projects, time to do a puzzle. Later this month or in early February I’ll order more seeds, but not yet.

Because today and tomorrow the plan is to rest, to cook, to organize, and just be. It’s time to get my training going for the 10-mile race I am planning for April. This year is home-centered. We’ll spend some time away in the mountains and in Maine this summer, and depending on the adoption situation we’ll maybe get away for a few days over April vacation, but most of our time this year will be spent at home, and that contents me. Last year was a big one for trips, but being away from home so much meant that some things, like being an attentive gardener, or keeping track of what was in the freezer went by the wayside.

This year the focus will be much more on making sure we have time to breathe and spend in the yard.

Garden. Kids. Home. And in May, baby chicks. Most of our flock is almost 4 years old now, so it’s time. While we are still getting eggs after a prolonged pause, we are sporadically losing chickens and it’s time to replenish our flock.

But first, we are in day 1 of our pantry eat down and frugal month challenge, which means overall we’re just not spending money on anything other than bills. The biggest part of this is the pantry challenge. The rules are this – for the full month of January we can buy vegetables for planned meals, milk for drinking, coffee augmentation & cereal, as it’s an essential in this house, and fruit. Alternatives must be found (for example, toasted tortillas if we’re out of tortilla chips, etc) for anything we don’t have. Other than our monthly meat delivery, which I forgot, in the holiday madness, to put on hold for January our total budget for the month for food is $198, which is about 1/4 of the usual expenditure in this area, and we may be able to do it for less.

And a perk of the big cleanout is…cleaning out. As things empty – and our time is put into cleaning out closets and drawers, we clean as we go along. To say the house needs it is an understatement as clutter is creeping in everywhere.

Since we had our big Chinese feast last night, most of the meals so far today have been leftover oriented, but tonight we’ll need something healthy to offset all the heavy meals of the last week or two. I have some fresh broccoli and cauliflower, so I’ll pan roast them with a little garlic, salt, pepper and olive oil and serve them up with a simple chicken dish, maybe Butternut Squash Butter Chicken, or a simple stir fry. This week is the race to use up all the veggies in the vegetable drawers that I bought around the holidays. My budget starting next Friday is $72 including all groceries, and milk. If I want delivery, in order to stay out of the store, that has to include delivery and tip, so I’ll be very careful about our meal plan, but this week we have to be a bit more flexible to use up what we have.

Tomorrow I’ll make Chicken Parmesan that will cover lunches for my son as well, and prepare some sort of turkey soup with the broth I made for Tuesday, when everyone is back to work and school, and likely to be tired at the end. I’m thinking something along a Mexican theme, with salsa verde and tortillas toasted into chips.

Wednesday is just Eli and I, and I have the ingredients, minus the ground chicken (I’ll sub in ground beef) for a re-creation of Buffalo Chicken Enchilada Bake.

Thursday Eli is planning to make us Broccoli Cheddar Soup, and then this weekend, while the kids are at their Dad’s and we’re cleaning out closets and doing projects, I’ll stuff spaghetti squash, roast sweet potatoes, and maybe make some homemade Indian food dishes for us as well as preparing something delicious for Sunday night when the kids come home. Probably Shepherd’s Pie, which we haven’t had in ages, and will help use up the last of the red potatoes we bought for Christmas dinner.

Tuesday and Wednesday of next week I have to travel, getting home Thursday morning, so Eli will be on his own for food prep, but I’ll pick back up for Friday night dinner with the kids on the 13th, and cook straight through the weekend.

It might sound funny to take so much pleasure in using up what we have, but there’s something about January that makes me want to use things up and tidy, maybe making space for all the new that’s on the way in.

Happy New Year to you and yours. May today be restful for you, body and spirit.

Counting our Blessings

This time of year I feel like we’re never still for more than a moment. Their are presents to buy and make, gifts to wrap, cookies to bake, food to deliver, packages to mail, and all of that on top of just our general busyness – work, school and life.

We finally start to still on Christmas in the late afternoon – all the work is done, gifts are gifted, Christmas dinner is eaten, and there’s nothing left but to sit back and breathe. It’s that moment around 5 pm Christmas day when there’s nothing left to be done that I finally sit and relax. And for us, the day after Christmas is a continuation of the nothing – leftovers, a fire in the wood stove, everyone gets to enjoy their presents and relax.

But as I sit and write, we’re still a couple of days from that. The Christmas turkey is thawing, I’ve got batches of cookies to bake tonight, and gifts to wrap, and the refrigerator is filled with delicious things, so full it’s hard to squeak it all in.

Still, for all the craziness, it’s been joyful as well. I managed to sneak away for a weekend in Montreal with the oldest, just the two of us, and it was a delight. Cold, but marvelous 1-1 time visiting the Christmas Markets, Biodome, A Jean-Michel Basquiat exhibit, and a dress-up dinner, plus exploration of bakeries, the underground city, and Chinatown. 13 is honestly a delight – interested in food and experiences, willing to try new things, funny and opinionated. While we did that Eli took my son into Boston for a night for pool time and holiday shopping.

January is our pantry challenge month, and so far I have meals planned to the end of the first week. We have a lot of things to use up right now, so our meals are being built around what we have in most cases. But first we had to have all the things for our Christmas meal, so our final grocery delivery came today. We also have a few things we don’t usually cook from our last winter CSA, like celeriac and rutabaga, so I need to get creative to use those up.

I have some days off after the holiday, and some of that time will be spent prepping freezer items, such as homemade pizza dough, so we can just grab it and thaw it. 2022 was full of travel and adventure. The coming year will be much more centered around home, and that’s just fine. Adoption, the garden, and some home maintenance in advance of full renovation – taking trees down, the end of the driveway needs repaving, and just generally getting ready. In order to be fully ready, and because interest rates and construction costs are so high, we postponed a year, but we’re reaching the point where we can’t wait.

So it’s time. But first, it’s time to gather and celebrate, and be profoundly grateful for our life, just as it is.

Meal plan for Christmastime:

Friday December 23rd: Taco Pizza, guacamole, salsa and chips
Saturday December 24th: Dinner with Family – their house
Sunday December 25th: Cheese board, turkey, stuffing with sausage, sage and onion, 4 cheese mashed potatoes, roasted Brussels sprouts and onions, and cranberry-raspberry sauce. Eli will make pizzelles, and our guests will bring green bean casserole and pie.
Monday December 26: Leftovers. Mom definitely doesn’t cook
Tuesday December 27th: Turkey pot pie, broccoli cheese soup
Wednesday December 28th: Play-it-by-ear day, maybe leftovers, maybe something else, definitely the day to turn the turkey into soup stock. I do have to cook for some friends who have a child fighting cancer, so we may end up having the same thing they are
Thursday December 29th: Time to detox from Christmas food so Salmon with horseradish and mustard crust and a squash salad
Friday December 30th: Date night – some nice person at an Italian restaurant is cooking
Saturday December 31st: Homemade and ordered Chinese food
Sunday January 1st: Montreal Steaks with Green Goddess salad
Monday January 2nd: Chicken Parmesan, popovers, pasta and broccoli

From my home to yours, Happy Holidays. May they be filled with warmth, light and food.

Why Recipes Are Just a Starting Point

I am not a big YouTube watcher – after talking on Zoom all day 8-10 hours a day, the last thing I want is to watch videos. Also, I just generally prefer the printed word, but a recent profile of June Xie on The Guardian got me watching.

This woman is a badass cook, and is much more along the lines of mostly how I grew up, with a bunch of things throw in a pot or pan, and very few measurements. It was creative, and cheap, and while there were definitely a few recipes that were followed to the letter, most of the time it was simple.

This past weekend found us very busy on Friday and into Saturday. Friday afternoon my son had a haircut, I had to run to the farm to get the next installment of our winter CSA, and then we had a much-delayed Azure Standard pickup. All 3 of those things meant our plan for homemade MYO pizza was off the table until Sunday, so I started picking through our very full freezer for options. I pulled out some pulled pork from Walden Local to thaw, and noodled around the interwebs for ideas. And found it – a tamale pie recipe. Which called for things we didn’t have.

I had ordered groceries – mostly based around the idea that we need lots and lots and lots of cheese for Thanksgiving appetizers, so it wasn’t hard to add (gasp!) a box of corn muffin mix to the order. Do I normally buy pre-made mixes? No, not really, but with only a few minutes here and there to cook, and hungry cold kids after school, I figured I had better take a couple of shortcuts.

I didn’t have creamed corn, but I did happen to have one random can of corn in the house, nor did I have sour cream, but I did have plain Greek yogurt. So I added a full cup of that, more than the recipe called for to offset the lack of cream in the corn.

I baked that, then I covered the top with some of the homemade refried beans I’d made and frozen a while back. Then I added the pulled pork but I also sauteed half a red pepper in with the onions and garlic for a little color and extra veggies (our current goal is to eat 30 varieties of plant-based foods a week) put the enchilada sauce on top of that, and then topped it with shredded cheese and baked it.

And that was how I loosely baked Delish’s Tamale Pie, but not really. At the end of the day my oldest pronounced it good, but it really could have used more flavor. Still, it was filling and warm on a cold night.

I’m a huge fan of the food renaissance that has occurred over the last 2 decades, and I love that people who make food are just as big as rock stars, because food is literally life. I adore trying new recipes, mostly on weekends when I have extra time. I take delight in feeding my family wonderful, healthy meals. I love learning about different cultures via their food.

But look – we all have to eat, right? And not every meal we eat needs to impress Gordon Ramsey. And I’m a fan of the idea that most of the time you shouldn’t be trying.

I mean that. What you should try for is: healthy, nourishing, tasty, and with variety. Pretty, too, I like a good looking meal. But you know what you shouldn’t worry about? Whether you used Himalayan Sea Salt or plain old table salt. If you didn’t use the Burrata the recipe called for vs. just some mozzarella. The pressure to follow recipes exactly and use ingredients that may or may not be out of your budget should be jettisoned.

Completely.

It was just as busy Saturday, so I got up early and tossed some stringy cuts of beef from our meat share into the crock pot with red wine, crushed tomatoes, and onions and carrots – the recipe called for celery but we didn’t have any and I never use it fast enough to make it worth buying – sauteed and then coated with a combination of cinnamon, allspice, pepper and cloves. 10 hours later the stringy beef was shreddable and it went well on top of pearl couscous and a cabbage slaw I just made up, with a dressing of the juice of 2 limes, a couple teaspoons of sugar, a generous scoop of plain Greek yogurt and a little bit of olive oil. I topped it with toasted pumpkin seeds.

This pot roast is always a hit in our house.

The slaw turned out great, even for my not-really-cabbage-loving husband, a win for the ‘use what’s in the house and use a recipe as a jumping off point’ method of feeding everyone.

Because it’s Thanksgiving week and our autumn bulk food stock up time, even though we don’t host this holiday, the pantry and freezers and fridge are literally bursting with food. We’re on for starters Thursday and a series of sides and a dessert for the other side of the family’s Saturday feast. On top of that, it’s holiday cookie baking season, and we ordered our Christmas turkey – oh how i love turkey – so that’s taking up a bunch of space in the freezer. Because everything is so full it’s easy to lose track of things, so I’m working extra hard to try and stay on top of what we have.

This week’s meal plan is a little wonkier than most because of the holidays.

Sunday: Homemade pizza with various toppings – finally! Pesto, fresh mozzarella, sauteed onions, sun dried tomatoes, sausage, shredded mozzarella and tomato sauce are all good options, but really any veggie or condiment we have in the house is fair game. Everyone chooses their own toppings for MYO night.

Monday: Leftover night – Parmesan-crusted chicken I made a while back and froze for a future meal, leftover Italian pot roast, with noodles or more pearl couscous, whatever the kids want. Sauteed spinach on the side, simple with garlic, oil and salt.

Tuesday: Eli Cooks..maybe homemade Empanadas

Wednesday: Chicken Gyros with Naan and tzatziki, a house favorite with roasted Brussels sprouts and onions on the side. Probably a cucumber salad too.

Thursday – Thanksgiving: We make some appetizers and plate some cheese and things. Then onto mashed potatoes and stuffing! Oh, and I’m making these (with sprite for the non-alcohol drinkers and littles) and this amazing salad.

Friday: If we get lucky my older sister and her family will be with us at lunch, and that’s likely going to be a pizza order. Eli and I head out to holiday shop and maybe we’ll get some delicious Indian food out as well. Not a frugal day!

Saturday: Thanksgiving #2. We’re on for creamed onions, a dessert, some wine and Cranberry-raspberry sauce.

Sunday: Time to cut down our Christmas tree, and we’ll need warm comfort food after that outing. Bread of some sort, either Foccacia or our traditional Artisan Bread in 5 Minutes a Day. I’ll pair it with One Skillet Greek Meatballs and Lemon Butter Orzo.

And then I’ll prep a dish for Monday, just to get us through. Occasionally our meal plan holds us through the week, but often things change and our plans get upended. Still, we mostly eat at home, even if it’s just some Trader Joe’s Orange Chicken, rice and sliced veggies because no one had time to cook. Or some ground beef and veggies in a simple stir fry over rice.

But we’ll be flexible. And if we don’t have an ingredient, we’ll find something we can use in our house or we’ll move on to another more fitting dish.

When To Blow Your Budget

Yesterday I bought my oldest a pair of shoes. Platform Ugg booties to be exact, for $150, full price, at Nordstrom. They had asked to go get some concealer, and so we went off for a very rare trip to the mall. On our way out we spotted them, tried them on, bought them instantly.

It was neither planned nor budgeted. They were far out of the normal price range of anything I would buy for a 13 year-old. I don’t think they have taken them off since, they may have even slept in them. The delight on their face at their height and comfort could have been measured in kilowatts.

For me, it was a bit of a way to exorcise some anger at learning that last year a former friend had bullied them, hard, in an approach called relational aggression, which is the pointing, whisper campaigns, talking about someone loudly in their hearing at the cafeteria lunch table, etc. Hard to track or prove, it had been an undercurrent in an already hard year. When it popped up again last week at a shared extracurricular activity, I finally got the full story.

Of course the other child’s mom went into deep denial (Not her baby! We must have misunderstood!), and as there went 11.5 years of social niceties and casual friendship, so did all of my give-a-s**t about it.

I did what any Mom would, I documented, I notified the school it had happened and asked for future monitoring, and I informed the parent that we would be watching, closely in the event that her commitments that it would stop proved themselves not worth the air they were promised in.

And then I took my oldest child to Sephora, got what they needed plus a little, and then as we saw those shoes on the way back to the car, I figured my husband would forgive me (sorry honey, I should have called) and I bought them. Not as a te absolvo to myself for not realizing that their reluctance for school and stress was something bigger than the loss of the friendship compounded by a fall consumed with the loss of their uncle, but because as a result of that and other things makes them think they don’t warrant their parents spending money on them. So they don’t like asking for things.

So I damn well did spend money and reminded them they are worthy of attention, money, and to feel good about themselves. If that was received as parent-y gibberish or it landed I don’t know, but there was a day wreathed in smiles (also hugs as they reveled in their ability to be taller than me).

We’ve been being extremely careful for months and months now. We filled the year with trips and that plus some fairly major unexpected expenses and all the deposits and architect fees we put into the renovation have made things tighter than usual. Add to that inflation and we’re just being super thoughtful before we spend any money on nonessentials.

And this was a nonessential, but in the end…also kind of essential.

Money really can’t buy happiness after a point. Given how often Elon Musk whines on Twitter I observe that no matter how wealthy you get, you can’t escape yourself. Often I feel as much or more delight hiking or sitting with a book as I do in the bigger experiences. I love to travel, and I used to like shopping a lot, although I really don’t now. But sometimes money buys not just a pair of shoes, but a demonstration of value, an experience of real joy along with the stuff.

And that is worth a broken budget once in a while.