Month: July 2023

I’m reluctant to give life advice online generally. For one, there’s a glut of that stuff out there – ‘just do this and you’ll be happy’ is sometimes useful, and sometimes frank bullshit. But a conversation with my best friend recently stuck out in my head because we were talking about context switching to get a lot of things done in a day and she told me I was just better at it than other people and I make it look easy.

But that’s not really true in the grand scheme of things – and after we talked through it, I thought it was worth mentioning.

I do get a million things done in a day. Let’s take this past Tuesday for an example. Before anyone else was up in the house, morning being my best time of day, I had put in a run on the treadmill, dealt with laundry, emptied our dehumidifier in the basement (Yay greywater for plants!) started working and made a ravioli lasagna for dinner. Then I had meetings until 4:30 and in between checked on the kids. Eli also keeps them fed and responds to requests but I try to do my part when there’s small breaks between meetings. And then I got dinner on the table by 6, helped with clean up, made sure everyone was set for the evening and folded some laundry. And worked some more.

Some of this productivity is just self-preservation. I do not want to, nor is it in my budget to live on take out. So I have to spend some time on mornings and weekends meal planning, batch cooking and preparing food. I actually really love grocery shopping – I adore wandering the aisles on no schedule in particular and looking at all the things – but because my time is at a premium I treat that as well, a treat. The cost to have groceries delivered is more than offset by things like not having time, sticking to a list (not my greatest life skill) and trying to shop to a meal plan rather than have everything around just in case.

But back to that conversation. What startled me most by it is that this is from a person who knows that it isn’t easy to do a million things and knows that I get tired and still thinks it’s easier for me from the outside.

So is it? I had to contemplate that as we talked and here’s the conclusion I came to.

Context switching is hard. Moving between task and task, switching from a meeting to a creative task to a physical task, from topic to topic is not something our brains do well without a transition period. That’s why on days when I just go from meeting to meeting to meeting on different topics I’m so tired at the end of the day. It’s literally wearying for your brain, and figuring out how to parse time out so that you can get all the things done is work.

But I have a theory that it’s also something you can practice and get better at. But first you have to decide a couple things, and what I mean by decide is not as simple as chicken or fish for dinner. Decide that this is a thing not only that you will do, but you can do. You will do it even if it doesn’t always feel good, takes time to learn but you will do it because this skill – the mental muscle that you will build (that is also sometimes a physical thing too) is to do it anyway.

Take writing. Because I’m up often before dawn, it affords me time to write. Sometimes it’s here on my blog, often it’s more private, but when I am up, I am writing to almost the exclusion of all else except that I also drink coffee. It’s a rare time when I don’t owe anyone anything, and how I choose to use it is to write, then often exercise. I decided I was a blogger. I didn’t decide it was going to make me rich or get me tons of followers – clearly, ha! I just decided I was going to write. And that made me a writer. Someday a book maybe, for now this is enough for me. It gives me joy whether I have 5 readers or 5 million. And so I keep practicing it, hoping to be better.

The same truth is for my running. I am not fast, I do not win races. I just get out there and do it because I really really like who I am when I’m running. So I keep running, even when it doesn’t feel great or I would rather be doing something else, because it’s not just duration that matters but the cumulative process of mental and physical strength that comes from doing something over and over.

So too with the context switching. If you have an hour to be creative, do it. Don’t recite lists of barriers or reasons you can’t. Simply do. Maybe you won’t be good at it for a while, and your brain tells you you need more time. But eventually you’ll find yourself doing it, because you kept at it, because your determination to write or run or learn to make macarons overtakes those barriers.

And then like most of us, your time alloted is done, and you have to move on to the next task. Which you’ve also decided you can do. Parenthood helped me with this, also the work that I do in my head to try to be immersive in where I am – as someone who spends a lot of time distracted by the next things I need to get to, being in the moment is something I’m working on. But when that moment moves on to the next moment, I set it down and move on.

Am I saying everyone should be busy all the time? No. Absolutely not – creativity often comes from giving space – mentally and physically.

But we make time for what we value, even if it takes some moving around, restructuring, and so on. Sometimes you have to try a method out for a while and then try another. But not after 3 days, nope – you give it months. You take the frustration and the not-good-at-itness and you sit with that. You embrace it. Eventually the discomfort becomes something else.

Maybe it will all be joy from the start. But if it’s not here’s my life advice – gut it the heck out. Just.Gut.It.Out. This is not life advice that will win me awards or make friends, but it’s the realest thing I can tell you, and it might just help with the muscle that lets you switch gears more frequently.

What I find is that if you allocate in your mind, you allocate in your life. And then you switch from writing to emails, and that becomes normal. And so on.
I lost half this post when my host froze this morning, and I probably lost some better writing. But then because I had decided I was publishing today, I sat back down after my shower and got it done.

I’d tell you more but now I have to go feed the bunny breakfast and check email.

I hope you all had a happy 4th of July!

June was incredibly rainy at Sithean, and as we have rolled into July, it looks like the rain will keep coming with regularity, but the heat is finally upon us.

It’s nice not to have to water the garden, to be sure, but it’s also made it a challenge to get to outdoor chores. Eli started adding teak oil to the outdoor furniture last weekend but had to give it up for a downpour. We still have half of the 3 yards of compost to spread because it rains so much on the weekends, the only time I can really get to it. June was also quite cool in Massachusetts, in stark comparison to other parts of the country. It’s finally warming up though, and while that brings challenges of it’s own, at least we’ll probably be able to get rid of the giant mound of dirt that’s been on the driveway.

We followed the kids and their Dad up to Moosehead Lake in Maine for a few days for the 2nd time in 2 years – their paternal grandparents have a place up there, and they have spent at least 10 days of every summer of their lives plus periodic weekends, in the tiny community surrounding one corner of the lake. It has made for some magical childhood memories for them both, and I’m grateful for it.

A couple of years ago my youngest started asking me to come up, so this year we rented a tiny cabin right behind the one his grandparents own and settled in for a few days of rest and relaxation, lake style. We all get along very well, still considering ourselves as family, and shared our meals together most of the time. One of the greatest gifts I have in my life is my post-divorce friendship with my ex-husband and my delight in retaining his parents as family, and my husband’s friendship with them all is something that makes me happy. It’s rare, or so I’m told, to all get along this well, but I don’t have a very strict definition of what makes for family, and that allows for all sorts of wonderful relationships with people.

Summer is truly upon us now as we roll into July, more meals are going to be on the grill, and our meal plans are generally more lackadaisical and focused on using up the fruits and vegetables we get in our CSA, as well as our meat share. That said, we did spend $460.09 last week on groceries at 4 stores, including our every-other-month trips to the Indian and Asian grocery stores. Because these stores are a 30 minute drive away, we don’t go that often and when we do, we stock up.

This month our grocery costs have been higher than normal as we started to run out of things. Having the pantry stocked up again is always a nice feeling.

I believe a full pantry and freezer is an emergency fund you can eat, and no matter how tight my budget has been, I’ve always, always tried to stock the pantry.

Last week I had very little time to cook, actually just 15 minutes between meetings most of the time, so I dusted off some meals from my own childhood. One night made a chicken and rice bake reminiscent of something my parents used to make. I sauteed some onion and garlic in oil with a bit of butter, then added 1 1/2 cups rice (I used arborio, but regular rice is fine too), sauteed that for a bit, added in salt, pepper, parsley and garlic powder, then put it in a baking pan with 6 chicken leg quarters and baked it for 90 minutes, the first 60 covered and the last uncovered. Chicken and Rice circa 1978 was a huge hit, and it’s been requested to be put in rotation. I cut up an orange pepper and a cucumber with it, and sauteed the spinach from our CSA.

It was another no-recipe recipe, and I had low expectations, but I’m always surprised and thrilled at how the simple foods are just as good as the more complex recipes.

The next few weeks are a little unusual. The kids stay at the lake a few extra days after Eli and I come home, so we’ll have a couple of quiet nights with just the 2 of us to cook for. Then we’ll have a house full for a couple of days, and shortly after that oldest child will be off for a 2 week wilderness adventure, and I go back to a little bit of work travel before they come home. So our meal plan is going to be pretty flexible. We had prepared some meals to take up to the lake, which I advocate is one of the greatest ways to save money on vacation. It’s wonderful after a busy or not-so-busy day to pull the prepared meal out of the fridge, prep a salad and eat.

We also made Toasted S’more Ice Cream Sandwiches while we were away. I don’t have much of a sweet tooth but these things were great and a fun project to make when it was raining and everyone needed something to do.

Wednesday Eli and I will be a little tired after the long drive home so I’ll go for the quick-defrosting meal of Greek Tzatziki Fish Tacos with some cod we have in the freezer. These look delicious and we can eat Tzatziki by the gallon.

Thursday is a long work day for me so Eli will cook for us.

Friday is CSA day, so we’ll cook what we get or, if the kids come home early, maybe go use the Escape Room gift card we have and grab some dinner on the way home.

Saturday I’ll cook for the kids again, and I’ll make Buffalo Chicken Sliders on Pretzel Buns with Avocado Fries and I’ll roast broccoli and potatoes in the oven.

Sunday I’m going to give making homemade English Muffins a try for breakfast, as well as make homemade bread, my favorite Kale Salad (the salad dressing is a bit of work but worth every minute!) and Sheet Pan Honey Mustard Salmon with Ceasar Roasted Potatoes. I might make these corn muffins too.

Monday is the last night before we have 2 weeks without my oldest, so we’re taking everyone out to a great hole-in-the-wall sushi place we found, or, if we’ve gone out to dinner on Friday, we’ll swap in Ravioli Lasagna again. I’ll also prep some food for the road for oldest and their Dad for their long drive ahead on Tuesday, and those will be lunch for us as well.

Tuesday oldest leaves and so it will be just my younger son, Eli and I, so comfort food is in order. Eli will cook for us, picking a simple protein from our meat delivery.

Wednesday it’s the 3 of us again, and I’ll make a simple pasta with chicken and broccoli and popovers along with sliced veggies or broccoli

Thursday-Saturday nights my younger will go to his Dad’s, so it’s just Eli and I, and we’ll make things like simple salmon bowls over cauliflower rice or couscous, clam chowder and so on.

Sunday my younger son will come back home and I’ll make a batch of Parmesan-Crusted Chicken some of which can be frozen for impromptu chicken tenders lunch, and Monday-Wednesday I’ll be traveling, so our meal plan will be flexible for a bit.

I’m already planning what to make for when the oldest comes home – more Chicken and Rice circa 1978, Garden Foccacia, and all their favorites. Planning will help kill the time while they are gone.

I’m looking forward to a chill summer now that most of the non-work travel is done, with coffee on the porch and sun tea brewing, tending the gardens and the now-grown chickens and our family.